Why High-Achievers Struggle to Prioritise Themselves
The Art Of Saying No Without Guilt – Set Healthy Boundaries
Many high-achieving women struggle with people pleasing without even realising it.
Picture this: It’s 9 PM on a Sunday night. You’ve just finished preparing for Monday’s presentations, responded to “urgent” emails that could have waited until Tuesday, and agreed to help organize the charity fundraiser because “you’re so good at these things.”
Meanwhile, the book you’ve been meaning to read sits untouched on your nightstand, your bath salts expire unused, and you can’t remember the last time you had an uninterrupted conversation with yourself—let alone anyone else.
Sound familiar?
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. In my practice, I work with brilliant, accomplished women who struggle to stop people pleasing — even when it drains their energy, damages their confidence, and leaves them emotionally exhausted.
They’re CEOs who can’t delegate, lawyers who work weekends “just this once” (every week), and entrepreneurs who’ve built successful businesses while silently burning out.
The Hidden Cost of People Pleasing
With over a decade of experience helping high achievers set healthy boundaries, I’ve discovered something crucial:
People pleasing has nothing to do with time management. It’s rooted in self-worth.
When you constantly prioritize others at your own expense, you’re operating from a place of deep insecurity.
These are classic signs of people pleasing, especially in women carrying trauma from the past.
People Pleasers Often Fear:
I’m not important enough to have my needs respected
People will reject or abandon me if I say no
I’m selfish if I put myself first
What if they don’t like me
This creates a vicious cycle:
Say yes → feel depleted → feel unworthy → say yes again.
Your nervous system stays stuck in protection mode — scanning for rejection, fearing disapproval, and overworking to prove your value.
This is why it becomes so difficult to stop people pleasing even when you know it’s harming your wellbeing.
The Real Reason You Can't Say No
Many clients come to me thinking they need better time management skills or more willpower. After a brief exploration, the real issue becomes clear: they’ve never learned to value themselves enough to prioritize their own wellbeing.
People pleasing often develops from old trauma, conditioning, or fear of rejection.
Take Sarah* (name changed for privacy), a marketing executive who came to see me for stress management. Within minutes of our conversation, I realized her stress wasn’t about her workload—it was about her inability to say no. She was working 70-hour weeks, had agreed to plan her sister’s wedding, and was volunteering for three different committees.
When I asked her why she took on so much, she looked genuinely confused. “Because they needed help,” she said. “I couldn’t let them down.”
But letting herself down felt normal.
This is what happens when your worth becomes tied to being useful, agreeable, or endlessly available.
Sarah’s story is heartbreakingly common. She’d been conditioned to believe that her worth came from being useful to others. The idea of disappointing someone felt unbearable, while disappointing herself felt… normal.
Here’s what you need to understand: Every time you say yes when you mean no, you’re not being kind—you’re being afraid.
You’re afraid that:
- You’re not valuable enough for people to respect your boundaries
- You’ll be rejected if you’re not constantly available
- You don’t deserve to have your own needs matter
This fear keeps you trapped in a cycle of overcommitment and exhaustion. Your nervous system stays in protection mode, scanning for threats to your relationships and your worth. You’re essentially living in a constant state of fight-or-flight, desperately trying to prove your value through your availability which is totally exhausting.
Here’s the thing: People respect those who respect themselves.
Saying Yes When You Mean No Isn’t Kind — It’s Fear
You’re afraid that:
You won’t be valued if you stop people pleasing
You’ll be rejected if you say no
You don’t deserve boundaries
Your needs don’t matter
This fear keeps you emotionally exhausted, anxious, and overextended.
But here’s the truth:
People respect you MORE when you respect yourself.
Ready To Break Free From
Those People Pleasing Patterns?
Download your free guide:
Ready to Stop People Pleasing? The Self Talk Audit
Before you can change how you interact with the world, you need to understand how you’re talking to yourself. For the next week, pay attention to your internal dialogue.
This inner critic is at the root of why you can’t stop people pleasing.
Ask yourself:
- How do you speak to yourself when you’re tired but someone asks for help?
- What thoughts run through your mind when you consider saying no?
- Do you judge yourself… harshly? Automatically?
This is where real change begins—with awareness.
Most people-pleasers have a harsh inner critic that’s constantly reinforcing feelings of unworthiness. Until you address this internal dialogue, any boundary-setting techniques will feel forced and temporary.
Changing this internal narrative is essential for stopping the cycle.
The Truth About Healthy Boundaries
Here’s what you need to know:
- Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re gates. You choose who gets access to your time and energy, and when.
- Saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else. Usually something more aligned with your values and wellbeing.
- People who truly care about you want you to have boundaries. Those who don’t… well, that tells you something important too.
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect — not selfishness.
What Happens When You Start Setting Boundaries
When Sarah began working with me through my Reset & Rise Method™, something remarkable happened:
As her sense of worth grew, so did her ability to set boundaries.
As her boundaries strengthened, her anxiety decreased.
As her confidence rose, she stopped people pleasing and started prioritising herself.
Her words still move me:
“I’m more organised, relaxed, confident and productive. I finally know how to prioritise myself.”
This is what happens when you learn how to stop people pleasing — your whole life transforms.
Your Journey Starts Here
If this resonates with you, please know:
Change is possible.
And it can happen faster than you think.
You are worthy of rest, respect, time, energy, and emotional freedom.
When you’re ready to stop people pleasing and build the confidence to set healthy boundaries without guilt, I invite you to take the next step.
Book a free discovery call and let’s talk about your specific situation and whether The Reset & Rise Method™ is the missing piece you’ve been searching for.
Ready To Break The People-Pleasing Patterns?
Download your free guide:
About Yocheved
Yocheved brings over a decade of specialized experience helping driven professionals unleash emotional health and financial abundance by clearing deep-rooted subconscious blocks. Her expertise extends to helping individuals heal from even the most complex trauma—including cases where others may have lost hope for their recovery.
Through her compassionate, solution-focused integration of hypnotherapy, NLP, and mindset coaching, she has guided countless clients to accelerate their emotional health, wealth creation and build unshakeable confidence while achieving complete transformation from severe emotional wounds and limiting beliefs.
By combining spiritual wisdom with cutting-edge therapeutic techniques, Yocheved helps her clients not only overcome their challenges but discover the joy and abundance that Hashem truly intends for each person.
For more insights on spiritual growth, trauma healing, and emotional transformation visit www.trancework.co.uk/blog